disc Proclaimed Sanctuary SKRaTCHED!
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Thursday, November 14, 2002
Mood: Ponderous
Song Of Choice: "Teen Spirit" & "You know your Right by Nirvana
Topic: A Letter From Josh

Today was one of those days you wish you could send into oblivion and never have to remember again. Simply put I hated today. But I will not dwell on the bad—instead I will think of things we all feel, but I think we lack the words to say or express much of the time.

Josh wrote me a letter while he was incarcerated and there are a few points I’m going to post just for thought this isn’t him most thought provoking note but I think since I felt the way I did today it means more then the others at the moment. I warn you this is very…Kurt Kobain in nature very angst, very soul searching and ver curse ridden.

Kim,
I’m very tired today and this isolation leaves me weary. I didn’t feel like doing any work as of this moment and in a delusional conscience, I felt like writing to you. At the minute this would be a much-needed form of communication. To bad I haven’t mastered the art of telepathy yet! I’m so bored I’ve been trying to move this Sprit bottle before me for an hour. Over this tedious time I wondered what I’ve always yearned for, I can’t figure out what it is.

If I did I know it would be sentimental, something inside to make me feel complete.

Material matters are nothing to me, never were, never will be. What or is there something you always yearned for or wanted spiritually or mentally? Except to know for a fact what this whole rat race, we call reality really is. But besides that notion I really am just rambling. Sorry, its better than talking to the wall. [ 1]

Through you wanna hear something really off the “wall”? (no pun intended) but every time I sit in these wooden cubical and stare at the graffiti or what I call the boredom remnants of the troubled student before.

It’s like leaving a piece of yourself in the cubical like a silent scream of lost time of adolescence. So many trouble makers or tardy ones before me.

I think the most spiritual residue comes from a school. The pain, the angst, the hormones, the mixed signals, and all the other things that smell like teen spirit. Stuck in walls such as these forever.

Even a little of us are stamped in the stones as well.

I know my soul is stuck in the office in those God damned orange chairs.

But like I said I’m just delusional, with nothing else to do. I’d try to sleep, but that fucking phone won’t let me. I swear I’ve said this before, but its true. Coach Jones talks on the phone more than a 13-year-old girl-shit! It’s a fuckin’ Jerry Lewis telethon. All I hear in a faint resonance in the back of my head are a few lyrics by Jim Morrison

“Choose the day and choose the sign of your day, the day divinity.”

The doors one of a few Musical artist what else can go on about like a drunk jester. On a personal note I’m going to ask Melanie if she would go out with me. [ 2 ]

I think she is going to say no

I’m such a humble person I really am.

But yeah it’s a sensitive situation. I thought about this long enough I think I lost a little bit of sleep on it, on a few occasions. Oh well it’ll be alright, [ 3 ] I’ll just roll around a little bit.

But on another depraving note, I’ll probably be in here longer than Friday, cause I’m doing shit for work (and who the hell sprayed that stank colon!) Man that stuff smells like dead French whore. Yeah anyway ::teary eyed:: It will be a while ‘til my prescience is felt at lunch.

But tell Jonnell and Tiffani and of course you I miss you all. I fll like I’m in jail with that remark. I’ll be out soon and all the cliché’ Jail bird rantings.

Though if you think your parents give you crap about you. My dad wants me to cut my hair and dress differently.

He says I should start looking more presentable. Well screw that.

Though that sounded pretty funny at lunch yesterday, all out assault by Tiffani huh. [ 4 ] I can only imagine. She doesn’t talk to me much anymore, but you know women, go figure. [ 5 ]

I was going to dye my hair sometime ago but I thought it’s just better off to not put any chemicals in my hair.

I never have, never will. My hair is totally natural. I wish I could make my hair move, then it would be easier to write this letter [ 6 ]

Though most of my time I just sit around and ponder how most people get on my nerves. Lots of people to have the repeat offenders ( Kyle [ 7 ], Haylee [ 8 ], Keith, fag with the wife beater, you know the guy you were checking out that one day—Chinese take out—huh., Stacey, and some other people I can’t remember, don’t care to know. Or just don’t know there names) but I’ll point them out to you.

I dred my weekend. Friday will be cool, but Saturday I have to go to my dad’s house and supervise my sisters birthday party. While my dad’s at work ::sigh::

My sister is going to be 11 I can’t wait till my birthday then I can purchase my own nicotine tobacco products, yeah! And then I get my license and my wheels. This would mean I would never be in town on the weekend. Fuck Hinesville! Hate this place. Yeah but I think I should let you go, I told you enough useless information already

Joshua
P.S. Scooby Snacks are Scooby Caps; say 5 x’s fast


[ 1 ] Josh has a things with walls because they are barriers.

[ 2 ] Melanie is the first lady he opened up to I was the second but for fear of hurting her He never went out with her but no he realizes he’s like to try to make her happy. He’s been thinking about it for almost a month I’m glad he finally came to a decision but it may be to late Melanie might be going out with Mayson—one of Josh’s best friends.

[ 3 ] Josh’s phrase “It’ll be alright”

[ 4 ] He’s quoting me describing Tiffani yelling at Haylee

[ 5 ] Tiffani doesn’t talk to him because as she puts it “he’s not eye-candy” Good looking

[ 6 ] His braids get in his way when he leans foreward.

[ 7 ] Haylee’s brother

[ 8 ] The Freshman hoe that wanted to start stuff with me

So that’s Josh…who has in the span of a few weeks has written me more than Angel had in 4 years but no where near as much as Peter. Yeah so anyone have any opinions after reading this? I’m curious what do you all think?

I promise I'll post the Bushido stuff and the Legend I read tomorrow or later tonight. Later guys!

Kim

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